Look, I got some confessions to make. I’m sure everybody has some of them. I’m just saying them now. This will be strange. In fact, this will downright alienate some of you. But I’m going to say them anyways, because I’m crazy like that!
Confession One: I don’t want to have to focus on romance anymore.
Is that bad? EGADS, a woman who doesn’t want romance! No, no, it’s not that I don’t want romance. I mean, who doesn’t want romance? That would be absolutely great! But I do not at all feel like putting anymore goddamn effort into this endless pursuit of some happy traditional butterflies-in-your-stomach sex-all-the-time ideal. So THERE! I GIVE UP AND I DON’T CARE ANYMORE! Because you know what I do what to focus on right now?
Confession Two: Me. That’s right, I’m an arrogant bitch!
I want to focus on me and what I’m doing and my goals and liking my life. I will focus on sending in my short story to that contest, writing articles for my College’s newspaper, and blowing everyone’s socks out of the water in my show and in the next auditions! I am going to be able to speak fluent German sentences (if not grammatically correct) and stutter through standard Japanese like I’m a Kindergartner. I’m going to focus on loving myself and complimenting myself, and I’m so goddamn sick and tired of guys doing those stupid bullshit “BUT YOU’RE A WOMAN LAWL” jokes that the next time that happens I’m just going to look at them and say, “Don’t talk to me that way. Thanks.” I don’t like the weird feeling that accompanies it, and I definitely don’t like the way my other guyfriends nearby will be like “LAWL, GOOD ONE, YOU REALLY GOT HER.” which brings me to my next point…
Confession Three: I no longer want to be afraid of conflict! Or rather, I AM NO LONGER AFRAID!
Hell yeah! How’s that for empowerment? It’s a realization that has slowly been building this entire semester starting from realizing I don’t have to do my Goddamn auditions the way they say I have to, and now it’s completely gone to the point where if I have to start a conflict, I’m gonna! And I might have to. Why?
Confession Four: Fuck you if you don’t like it, because I do!
Does that count as a confession? Whatever, I’ma say it does. Because if I like something, I’m gonna do it. If I’m loud and I’m okay with that, I’m gonna be it. If I like Beyonce, I’m going to spend time blasting her music out of my speakers, and just because you say I should stop listening to her doesn’t mean your opinion is at all valid or informed or, you know, the law. And also
Confession Five: I’m a feminist. HOLY SHIT, RUN–
Not a feminazi, I’m a feminist. There’s this weird disturbing trend I’ve noticed in some of my male friends around me that goes kind of like, “It’s okay to make fun of and be mean to women! They’re cool with it as long as it’s a joke!” And yeah, I was totally cool with it– while you were still joking and you knew that it was 100% not okay in real life. But suddenly it doesn’t seem to be that way. People keep saying these weird, weird things that just sound really really off. And they’re not even joking! They say these weird side comments that clearly indicate “I have no respect for women lawl.”
It’s like a friend of mine, Matzoballs, who when she was in class heard a guy raging about how someone else had parked their car in two spots and screwed everyone else over. But halfway through his rant he just goes, “Like I need some Chinese guy in his fancy car—” and she thought, “Wait, WHAT?” Mind, he didn’t actually see who owned the car. He just probably thought some equation similar to or worse than Asians + Can’t drive = Who this person is. And it was weird because he didn’t make a big deal out of it, he said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Well I am sick of that shit going down, man. If I have to start some arguments in order to stand up for people like that, I will, because the one time a man (yes, I said man, not guy) stood up for me when another guy was putting me down, I was honestly touched. I felt like someone actually gave a damn. That sick feeling that accompanies the joking about teh womenz? Gone. And you know what I realize now about that? I realize that I had become so used to getting that sick feeling when someone joked about me being stupid or slutty or get-in-the-kitchen jokes because I’m a woman– I had become so used to that that I didn’t even notice it anymore, but I would carry that feeling with me all the time.
It’s like those jokes about men being undelicate boors who all want sex and beer and are misogynistic. I don’t know any guys who are like, “MAN, I love those jokes! They make me feel so good!” So I’m going to stand up for myself. Make those jokes if you want, but not about me, and not while I’m here.
Thank you. My confessions are done cause I have to go interview my cousin. Tata~